Grow Your Own Escargot Kit

Grow Your Own Escargot Kit: Worst… Service… Ever.


Do you remember sea monkeys? What a f*cking rip-off those little things were! They didn’t do anything, they were pretty much the underwater version of crabs (not the crustacean, the kind you get in your pubes when you f*ck someone nasty), and you couldn’t eat them. Well you could I guess, but it would probably make you pretty sick.

Well, here is another boring pet, only this one you can eat if you want, and animal control won’t be called. This is a terrarium that is meant for you to grow snails. If you don’t know much about high end cuisine, that equals escargot, a dish for rich yuppies that involves snails.

First, they mail you the “crib”, which is the glass encased environment where they will grow up. When you have finished putting that together, they mail you the baby snails and some food. Over the next 6 months or so, you watch them grow to edible size.

So, essentially, you have a decision to make with this thing. Do you want to have one of the most boring pet ever? Or do you want to wait 6 months for a freaking appetizer (worst… service… ever)? How about neither.

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