Kindling Cracker Firewood Splitter

A Kindling Cracker Firewood Splitter For Tiny Humans!


One thing that sucks about childhood, besides the constant traditional events that seem to have no purpose other than to traumatize you (seriously, the only thing that the myth of Santa Clause established, is that I can never trust anyone), is that it’s hard. Work is hard when you are a tiny human.

And I grew up in a cold atmosphere, which means that one of our yearly duties was chopping firewood for the upcoming winters. And that was hard, especially when cutting the pieces into kindling. I was barely big enough to lift an ax, let alone wield it. I must have looked like a character out of Soul Calibur or something!

Well, life may have been a bit easier if this thing had been around when I was a kid. This is the kindling cracker, and no, it is not a doll of a white person made with sticks. This is a device that allows you to easily break pieces of firewood into kindling.

This firewood splitter is simple, really. You just place your piece in the round hole (don’t go there), and it rests atop a splitting wedge. Then, you just give it a few whacks with a hammer or something and you have kindling, much like how babies are made… or something. And from the video, we can only conclude that the Kindling Cracker is forged from iron in the fiery pits of Hell, so this thing will last for a very, very long time!

This kindling cracker firewood splitter seems like another instance of life, poking me and saying “hey, look at this thing that exists now that you never had.” It’s probably why I hate kids.

Kindling Cracker Firewood Splitter 2

Kindling Cracker Firewood Splitter 3
$99.99 From Amazon

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